A man who had stayed for more than ten years in Saudi Arabia went home  to the Philippines. While on board the plane, he was seated next to a Filipina who was on her way to thePhilippines, too.    

Opening a conversation, he introduced himself and told her that he was going to Cebu. The lady, who happened to be a Cebuana too, became relaxed and talked to him openly.

"I am going home because my husband is having an affair with another woman," she confinded her problem to him.
                                                                        
"Oh... I'm going home for similar reason. My friend from Cebu called and informed me that my wife is having another," said the man. Then, this introduction was followed by a long conversation on board the plane.                                                                  
Few hours later, their plane arrived at HongKong. Since their connecting flight for the Philippines was scheduled on the following day, they were billeted, together with the other transient passengers, in a hotel for the rest of the night.
                                                                        
Incidentaly, the hotel was over-booked, so the passenger were encouraged to share room with each other. The newly-found friends decided to share a room with two beds.                                  
                                                                        
After taking their dinner, they went to their room and continued their conversation. At about 11 PM , the man said to the woman, You see, our partners in Cebu were unfaithful to us. Why don't we make revenge tonight?"
                                                                          
For a moment, the woman was silent, but eventually agreed. So before going to bed, they made their revenge.
                                                                          
At 12 midnight, the man woke the woman up and said, "Revenge na sad 'ta" And so they did.                                                            
At 1 o'clock in the morning, the woman, this time, woke the man up and said, "Revenge na sad 'ta" And so they did for the third time.                                                                   
                                                                          
At 2 o'clock in the morning, the woman woke the man up again and said, "Revenge gihapon 'ta" And so they did for the forth time.                                                                   
                                                                          
At about 4 o'clock in the morning, while the man was still trying to manage to go to sleep, the woman woke him up and said, "Revenge na sad 'ta kay mopauli na ra ba ta karong adlawa."                                     
                                                                          
The man forced his eyes to open and pleaded, "Pasaylo-on na lang nato sila!"                                         
                                                                          
(Lesson No.1 : DO NOT WORK IN SAUDI ARABIA)                             
(Lesson No.2 : SEXUAL EXHAUSTION IS A SELF-INFLICTED PUNISHMENT; IT IS NOT A FORM OF REVENGE.)                          

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Dear Editor,

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.

My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

My problem is this:

Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,
Larry

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.